Girl in Relationship - Who wears the pants ?

Dominance within a relationship often finds its roots in the insidious act of comparison. This act of measuring ourselves against our partner begins as an internal dialogue, slowly growing into an influential force that shapes the dynamics of our connection.

Personally, I've grappled with the tendency to compare myself to my partner on a nearly daily basis. It's a common notion that we choose partners to fill the voids in our lives, driven by a sense of inadequacy and undervaluation of our own worth. While acknowledging the significance of companionship, it's crucial to understand how this inclination to compare within a relationship takes root.

   

For me, it all started with the initial introduction of our respective families. While I openly shared both the strengths and weaknesses of my family, my partner only portrayed the positive aspects of his. Initially, I perceived this as a protective gesture, but eventually, I began to perceive my own family as inferior. On introspection, I realized that this comparison was not triggered by his actions but by my own subconscious desire to find flaws.

Learning to navigate such comparisons requires a delicate approach. Instead of accusing or assuming, I've learned the value of calmly observing and communicating. Second scenario was when it came to educational achievements, for instance, I easily could have fallen prey to jealousy seeing my partner's academic success or work success. Instead, I chose to celebrate his accomplishments and express my desire to grow alongside him. So I chose to say "To be honest , I'm so proud of you and I do feel a bit jealous and upset that I couldn't be there but would you help me to do better?" instead  "I am going to do things by myself and achieve higher than him and prove to him". The key point in relationship is we grow successful together not push other partner down in order to become successful. That is business world not love world. 

It's essential to foster a friendship within the relationship, approaching each other as trusted confidants and supporters rather than adversaries. By fostering open communication and a mindset of mutual growth, we can steer clear of toxic comparisons and build a partnership based on mutual respect and shared aspirations. 

Honesty serves as a guiding light in the quest to find the right person, yet its power extends far beyond just establishing a genuine connection. Sometimes, despite being open and seeking support from your partner, you might find them falling short of providing the comfort and assistance you seek. In such instances, it becomes crucial to close the window that allows pain to seep in, even if the view from it is undeniably beautiful.

Understanding my own strengths, including my vast general knowledge and business acumen, I've encountered situations where my partner might not possess the same depth of experience and he never talk about it to me that I am performing well in public than him. He was upset and he did not want to share. It's not uncommon in certain cultural contexts for men to shy away from expressing their vulnerabilities, fearing they might be perceived as timid or weak. This fear often arises from the societal expectations that have shaped their upbringing.

In such moments, it's vital for us girls to create an environment of trust and understanding, allowing them the space to share their innermost feelings without the fear of judgment. By fostering a sense of comfort and acceptance, we pave the way for a deeper understanding of each other, nurturing a relationship that thrives on mutual support and empathy. It might take time and several instances, but the journey of understanding one another is one well worth embarking upon.

Absolutely, it's remarkable how our upbringing and life experiences can significantly shape our perspectives and behaviors, leading us to compare our paths and circumstances. There was a time when I couldn't help but feel that my journey was marred by hardships while my partner seemingly learned life's lessons effortlessly as he aged. The stark differences in our family backgrounds, the environments we grew up in (whether city or small town), and the influence of our respective friend circles were stark reminders of the disparity.

In my moments of vulnerability, I found myself pondering the perceived unfairness of it all. I began to attribute his seemingly flawless demeanor to the nurturing environment of his upbringing, fueling my belief that my future children should also be raised in a similar setting. However, I failed to realize that acting and presenting oneself perfectly does not equate to a well-rounded upbringing. It dawned on me that every setting, every circumstance, has its own imperfections and struggles.

Reflecting on my partner's small-town roots and my own experiences in the bustling city, I came to understand that the key lies not in comparison and dominance but in acceptance and mutual growth. The idea of healthy comparison becomes a catalyst for positive development when we shed our egos and openly express our aspirations, be it in fitness or any other aspect of life. It makes you both grow when you say "I want to follow you to gym too, I feel not fit enough"  instead self thinking "I must go to another gym and become more stronger and fit and show him the end result." it's crucial to recognize the distinction between healthy self-challenges and toxic self-comparisons. When we strive to better ourselves through positive challenges, we embark on a journey of personal growth and development. These challenges can motivate us to push our limits and achieve our goals, ultimately fostering a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.

On the other hand, toxic self-comparisons can lead to detrimental effects on our mental well-being. Constantly measuring oneself against unrealistic standards, comparing achievements with others, or striving for unattainable perfection can result in feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and undue stress. Such detrimental comparisons often lead to a cycle of negativity that can hamper our ability to appreciate our own accomplishments and progress.

Ultimately, it's not about who wears the pants but about fostering a relationship that thrives on mutual happiness and peace, one where each partner finds solace and contentment in the journey they embark upon together.

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